I’ve shied away from blogging over the past 18 months. For 2 reasons, my brain was not in the right place to be creative with words and also I didn’t think what I had to say was useful or interesting any more.
And that second reason is the reason I’m here today, restarting this blog.
When I started on this venture 8 years ago I was a very different woman to who I am now. In those years I have seen my eldest grow up to be an adult, lived through actual, proper history and the trauma that bought, I‘ve changed jobs, lost friends, gained friends, lost weight, gained weight. And run the London marathon (twice!)
That’s a lot of turmoil for my little brain to cope with.
I actually started blogging 10 years ago for a different reason, I love writing and I used it as a form of therapy then. I did publish it in the form of a blog and wanted it to help other people in a similar situation, but the primary reason for doing it was to help me process what was going on.
So that is why I am restarting.
I feel like I’m at another crossroads in my life, I’m 45 and in my family that is midlife. If I’m as lucky as my maternal line I’m half way through. Therefore that’s a lot of life left to live and a lot of adventures to take.
But I feel like I need to know who I am in order to know which way to go.
My current feeling is like being lost as sea. Not in trouble, not in a storm. Just bobbing along, sometimes enjoying the view but also wishing I knew where I was going. Does this sound familiar to you?
I’ve lost my oomph, my zest for life, my get up and go. Well that’s actually not true, it is there, it’s just not as strong any more. Some days I wake up with all the energy, whizz around and get loads done. The next day I’m spent, right back down to zero.
I spend way too much time watching TV. I pretend it’s for my own good, that I am prioritsing my wellbeing and looking after myself but sometimes that is just the story I tell myself. I spend way too long watching Instagram and FB reels. Yes, some are useful, but “5 things in my car that don’t make sense”, by an America mum of 5 kids under 10. No, Kimberley you are just time wasting here!!!!
There are several reasons for my feeling like this, my daughter leaving home for uni, the after effects of the pandemic on my businesses, perimenopause, needing to process the trauma of the last 2.5 years. I should probably go for counselling, but to be brutally honest all of those things I’ve just mentioned means I can’t afford that.
So blogging it is.
This will be my therapy.
