One thing that has really affected me in all this is how little people really care. I know I talk a lot about being selfish and looking after yourself first, but it seems that people are really taking it to the extreme.
I am trying not to judge, and understand that there is so much going on, people’s heads are spinning and many aren’t coping well, but it’s starting to get a bit lonely.
There is only so many times I can reach out and get nothing back in return. I know it shouldn’t be like that, that I should be happy to help all, but what about me? I need support too.
It has been crushing when I have reached out and friends haven’t understood or have glossed over my problems with things like ‘we are all feeling stressed’. I know we are.
But it takes a lot for me to reach out and ask for support, so when I do, I really mean it.
I have realised my circle of friends is a lot smaller than I thought and that also those that have helped are to be cherished.
I don’t want to be nasty about the people that haven’t helped, that haven’t checked in. I don’t want to cause any more upset at the moment, I understand that the mental load of this is immense. I hope they are helping other people instead. That way the world will still be supported eventually as love and kindness spreads.
Today was a good day for me and I made sure I paid that forward by reaching out to some people and checking in on them. Gavin was at work all day but I managed to get some work done, played a game with the girls and even had a sensible conversation with Holly about how this was affecting her!
I felt like I was winning by the end of the day!
