Can we talk about jealousy? Really talk about it. About how we all feel it as it’s actually pretty normal, but it’s what we do next that matters.
I was going to write about this a couple of weeks ago, I had been listening to Mel Robbin’s The 5 Second Rule and she talks about it in there. About how to use it for the greater good.
Then last weekend Caroline Flack took her own life and everyone was talking about being kind, and click bait and I didn’t think it was right. I wanted to get my words right and that took some doing.
For those of you who don’t know, Caroline Flack was a presenter in the UK, she hid risen to fame presenting many TV shows across multiple channels, most notably the Xtra Factor with Olly Murs. She won Strictly Come dancing in 2014 and until this year presented Love Island. She took her own life after extreme press coverage and scrutiny over an argument with her boyfriend and throughout her time in the public eye.
This isn’t a blog post about her though, so even if you do know her background or the circumstances of her death, please keep reading.
I mention her because it highlighted people’s jealousy. There are nation wide calls for click bait and trashy magazines to be banned. These fuel our jealousy of famous people and blur the lines of acceptability when we are thinking about people we actually know. We are being very quick to blame the news agencies that publish these instead of ourselves for consuming them.
We have been living in a society where is has become the norm to laugh at people’s appearances, gobble up news of break ups and find pleasure in other people’s mental pain. Maybe when it comes to celebrities we like that because it makes us feel more normal.
But here’s the thing. We have blurred those lines to make it normal to think that about anyone these days.
When a friend is having success, we are jealous.
When a friend texts about her husband buying her flowers. We are jealous.
A friend gets a new job. Instead of sending a congratulations on your new job card we are jealous.
No. Don’t shake you head. Admit it. We all do it. Some more than others. But we do do it.
Because it’s human nature to.
It’s there to drive us, to make us want better things ourselves, to work harder
Most of us just have a little jealous moment and then mask that with ‘busy’ness. Oh I forgot to send a card, I’ve been so busy. I’ve been way to busy to make a date to see that friend. And that makes us feel better. Unfortunately for some, it starts to go deeper and they lash out. Either in words, by gossiping and saying nasty things to others. Or in a passive aggressive way like not liking their posts on social media or ‘forgetting’ to reply to their texts.
“Who does she think she is?”
Eye rolls a plenty.
“Oh my god, have SEEN this?”
Jealousy sparks that.
The quote that was spreading across social media this weekend was ‘Be kind’. It’s an important one. We need to be kinder to other people. Happier for them. Revel in their successes instead of letting it eat away at our own happiness.
But how?
Acknowledge that jealousy. Accept that it is there. But instead of letting it rot inside you, festering away breeding hatred and contempt, use it to light your fire.
Use that jealousy to make your own life just as good.
Because you feel those things because you want them yourself don’t you? You want that promotion, you want to take your kids on more holidays. You want that person’s hair, or their healthy body. You want your partner to treat you the same way as their’s does.
So have a difficult conversation with yourself about it. Every time you feel yourself feeling like this, say to yourself “What are you going to do about it?”
It’s not wrong to feel like it, it’s how we deal with it that needs to change.
Jealous over other people’s jobs? – do something about your own. Talk to your boss about a pay rise, or a promotion. Look for a new job. Talk to your partner about how you are unhappy in your current position. Do something about it!
Jealous over other people having more money than you? – find ways to make more money. Ask your friends how they can afford things, have an honest conversation with them. Try shopping somewhere else, or sticking to a meal plan. Talk to a financial adviser. Do something about it!
Jealous about people going out and socialising? – pick up your phone and arrange something. Chances are there are loads of people (I’m one of them!) that are feeling the same way and would love to go out! Don’t stay at home feeling miserable about it, do something about it!
I could go on and on, but at the end of the day, only you know what makes you jealous and deep down you do know what to do about it. And before you say you are never jealous, think hard.
- Gossiping – jealousy
- Deliberately not liking someone’s posts – jealousy
- Bitching – jealousy
- Eye rolling – jealousy
We all do it. It’s what we do next that matters.
