Hope you read the brilliant blog my friend Sarah wrote for me about living the zero fox given lifestyle? If not, it’s here.
This is my side of the story. I’d love to be where Sarah is and living her life in a more carefree way, but I just can’t make it happen. I was beating myself up about it, but then I did this personality test online and found that maybe it’s not all my fault.
The whole points of these tests is that you learn what your weaknesses are and work on them. So this is me working on my over analysing.
I think about everything. Every. Little. Thing. I over analyse conversations, worry for days afterwards about how I reacted to a situation or how I made someone else feel. I toss and turn at night worrying about an impending situation. My poor brain.
Another thing I realised recently that this is the cause of my foul moods. I used to think that I had anger issues, that I flew off the handle too quickly and over reacted too often. I have zero patience when my stress levels are rising and I take that out on people that I am closest too.
Then I read this article and it struck me that my anxieties are coming out in anger. Every time my blood pressure rises with stress, it also causes my anger to rise as
well. Now, I’m not excusing my behaviour, but it certainly explains it. Knowledge is power and if I know that is what is happening I can take steps to address the situation.
It’s also about feeling left out. I may come across as confident and out going, and in some ways I am. But when it comes to friendships I can feel isolated, left out and jealous. All of my adult life I have been part of groups of friends. There are loads of pluses to this, more laughs, more hugs, more events to go to. But there is also the way you sometimes feel left out. I know I sound ridiculously childish but actually I’m guessing lots of readers can identify with this so we shouldn’t be too quick to judge. I know my friends don’t do it on purpose (well actually the super paranoid side of me does think that but I try and squash it as much as possible) and I look to others in the group who are clearly not bothered by stuff like this as inspiration. But it does get to me. I even get jealous when they invited me and I’d say no! But the sharing of memories over a drink or the giggles at jokes I don’t understand really upset me. Irrational feeling, I known and too many fox given! But I don’t know how to stop.
A friend asked on Facebook the other day “If you see someone talking about you, do you assume it is positive of negative?” My response was negative, I’m always worrying that people are talking about me and in a negative way. How would you answer that question?
It all comes down to the over analysing really. Over thinking why I wasn’t included or invited, instead of just accepting that people are allowed to have a good time without me, over thinking and worrying why people might be talking about me and not just being happy in my own skin and being confident with my own decisions.
I am aware that this is a rambling post and not really going anywhere! More of a brain dump than a helpful post for you readers. But I guess the point of me sharing this is to generate discussion. Do you feel the same way? Or can you offer any advice? I’d love to hear from you.